A Spy In The House Of Love《You Are My Fever》

1．Moonlight

“At sixteen Sabina took moon-baths.” (P38) because she thinks the moon is a place where “homeless childless free lovers not even tied to each other.”(P39) Moonlight makes her different from other peoples not only women. She doesn’t want to lead a life as others do. “Everything they did constricted time. They spoke of one birth one childhood one adolescence one romance one marriage one maturity one ageing one death and then transmitted the monotonous cycle to their children.”(P39)And finally moon affected not only her very initial thoughts regarding desire and love not only her tide inside each month just as other women experiences but her whole life especially those details related her love her uncertainties to the world. So you can find “Fever shone in his face like moonlight.”(P52) when she meets Mambo one of her lovers for the first time when he plays Drum. And she feels “the moon mocked her as she walked back to her empty bed.” (P79) after she met John another lover of her for the last time and she was full of disappointment and desire as well.

2. Love

She has never made clear herself what love is although she does have several lovers in her life. But she knows “What she wanted was……to arrive at enjoyment without dependence which might liberate her from all here anxieties connected with love.” (P36) And “ she saw her love anxieties as resembling those of a drug addict of alcoholics of gamblers.” And then she “could be the whim the caprice the drug the fever.”(P37)

Actually what she gets from lovers are only one aspect of love when we find such equalities” Alan=father John=War Donald=child”. Is this a truth each of us will face? Or could we love in fact? She answers that “the enemy of love is never outside ……it’s what we lack in ourselves.”(P120) But how could we find such to fulfil ourselves?

3. Anxiety

The words such as anxiety nervousness and tension could be seen from time to time and are more often than words such as love when you read the novel. She wants to flee away to survive from such relations with love just as she is always ready for leaving when she sits in a chair or she is always waiting for somebody to take her away. S We find her anxiety first when she feels from Philip her first lover other than her husband. Philip “wanted the danger of touching it off only in the dark depths of her flesh but without rousing a heart that would bind him.”(P44) also knows what she needs to is “free of attachment dependency and the capacity for pain.”(P45) in love with a man when she awakes some time.

And she found “I am on my way to another place another life.”(P46) Yes me too. But where is such a place or life? Does it exist in the world?

One day she finds herself “I am an international spy in the house of love.”(P63) when she questioned her instinct. And ”Every spy’s life ended in ignominious death.”(P64) But for ordinary peoples what will be different in terms of death?

4. Fever

You will be lucky enough when you feel he or she is your fever and you fail to find anything including drugs to cure to relieve or bring away such a disease you enjoy. It is not H1N1 not SARS but love which you may miss and can not experience again in your short life.

Fever I love such a word more than love itself.

June 6th 2009