Foreskin's Lament《寻找一个包皮的乐园》

其实，每个人都活在自己的宗教里面。而对于自己来说，挑战者中极限都是困难的。

作者在正统犹太教家庭里面长大，最后，他选择了妥协性的和家庭分开，和他的宗教分开，却始终相信有一个神，一个暴烈的神，不原谅的神。然而，他理性的背叛了，用这个年代的宗教挑战着古老的卷宗。过去的那个上帝已经死了，新的神坛已经立起来了，只是心有余悸。

在我看来这本书已经说的不仅仅是宗教.在现在一个已经没有了宗教的世界这个宗教就是我们所熟悉而不能抗拒的概念和习俗更小的说就是我们的"圈子" .

摘抄故事：

这个上帝，被称作He. 对于犹太人来说，He hated us. Some days they hates us so much he killed us; other days he let other people kill us. We call these days "holidays". On Purim we remember how the Persians tired to kill us. On Passover we remembered how the Egyptians tried to kill us. On Chanukah we remembered how the Greeks tried to kill us. -Blessed is He we prayed.

So in early autumn when the leaves choked turned colors and fell to their deaths the people of Monsey gathered together in synagogues across the town and wondered aloud and in unison how God was going to kill them - Who will live and who will die who at his predestined time and who before his time who by water and who by fire who by sword who by beast who by famine who by thirst who by storm who by plague who by strangulation and who by stoning. -Then lunch and a fitful nap.

宗教就好像绑架了你的精神，然后你和他之间有了斯德哥尔摩综合症。I wonder sometimes if he- and I-suffer from a metaphysical form of Stockholm syndrome. Held captive by this Man for thousands of years we now praised Him defend Him excuse Him sometimes kill for Him and army of Squeaky Frommes swearing allegiance to their Charlie in the sky. My relationship with God has been an endless cycle not of the celebrated "faith followed by doubt" but of appeasement followed by revolt; placation followed by indifference;please please please followed by *** *** You *** off.

Kosher meat is very complicated. Animals without split hooves are forbidden. Animals that don't chew their cud are forbidden. Unless the animals are slaughtered in a very specific way they are forbidden. Someone has to verify that the animal was slaughtered in a very specific way and there has to be a mark on the package saying "This meat has been slaughtered in a very specific way." 尽管这样，这个孩子还是偷偷去吃麦当劳了。

然后，这个孩子在他爸爸房间里面发现了色情杂志。于是，他开始想。I wondered how many tests my father had failed. Which test was he up to- the tenth? the twentieth? How was God punishing him? With me? With a sinner for a son? Would I have a sinner for a son too? Beneath the shirts in his dresser I found a book called 101 Sexual Positions and briefly picture Deena in all 101 of them before opening the door fo their bedroom and heading out.

Speaking of his sexual desire the poet Max Jacob wrote - Heaven will pardon me for the pleasures which it knows are involuntary. A few years later Heaven killed Max in a German concentration camp.

作者的母亲的故事: Her parents had been poor. She had wanted to be a doctor but her father had taken the money had saved for her tuition and used it to pay for her older brother's rabbinical education. Soon after she married my father his father died. He left his entire fortune-millions I was told- to charity. This wasn't the life she had planned on and I wondered if that was why she thought about death and decorating so much.我以前总以为犹太教貌似和基督教就差个新约旧约的区别，其实发现，犹太教和伊斯兰教反而更相似。在荒凉的中东的土地上，资源总是有限的，所以女人得不到重视，结果就成了传统。即使带到了大洋彼岸的纽约，也一样。

整本书的核心，就在于作者要不要给自己的儿子做割礼。他不希望自己的儿子再经历自己经历的一切，为宗教而恐惧，被这个神挟持。他有距离地看自己的宗教，于是产生了剥离的感觉。A lot like a foreskin. Cut off from my past uncertain of my future bloodied beaten tossed away. I wondered if there was a place wehre the foreskins could go a place where they could live together peacefully loved wanted a nation of the foreskins by the foreskins for the foreskins. 这里，包皮已经不是割礼割开的东西了，而是一群决心重新认识自己的人。有时候，我很难想象那些无权选择自己信仰的民族和文化。但有时候，我又觉得，人不可能完全自由的选择自己的信仰，我们总是被一些事情干扰。我看作者，有我的距离感，但也不难理解，环境的压力能够有多大。这个宗教，不只是神的胁迫，而是意见场的压制，冲破它是痛苦的过程。

作者也有惨绿的少年。他因为偷东西被社区劳教，然后在图书馆认识一个kelly，然后向朋友吹呼自己和kelly多么亲密，甚至kelly brew him 让自己的同学们艳羡不已，其实，都是想象的事情，kelly只是跟他打过招呼而已。后来，犹太男校和女校联谊，他的对象是女校那边的一个据说是slut的女生。最后，他们约会了，要真刀真枪的时候……

I could feel her hair on my face. I could smell the perfume from her neck. I could hear her cry.

-What's wrong? I asked.

She pulled away from me and covered her face with her hands.

-I'm afraid.

-What?

-Of you she said. - You're so ...experienced.

I looked out the window and shook my head.

-But...I heard same thing about you I said.

Becky burest into tears.

- I made it up! She cried.

结果这个姑娘的那些***事情也是她自己编出来的，赶情两个人都是菜鸟。

I told Beky it was okay. I told her I lied about some things too. We sat together for a while talking about friends and school and then I walked her to her front door and kissed her good night and we hugged two lonely liars in the harsh accusing spotlight of the moon. 我很喜欢这个结尾，two lonely liars hugged. 谁的青春不惨绿呢？

后来，作者去了耶路撒冷的青年营，有点像我们的“青少年网瘾教育中心”。在以色列的时候，他的奶奶病重，于是他去哭墙许愿。许愿归来，他接到电话，得知他奶奶更加不行了。于是，他马上又回到了哭墙，写了个纸条塞进去，纸条上写着——*** you.。写完之后，他又后悔了，想把纸条抠出来，警察看这个孩子举止太不正常了，把他抓进局子问话。

这个情节，简直好像电影一样。我觉得，这本书早晚要被人拍成电影，实在搞笑而且有教育意义。

一次校车爆炸事件里面，一个非常虔诚的学生受伤了，而且他是唯一一个受伤的，并且脖子以下瘫痪。于是，作者开始想，Where is the well-being of this man? ——我在想，佛教就可以解释这个问题，上辈子的孽啊。

后来作者偷偷从耶路撒冷回到纽约，做给灵堂守夜的工作，自食其力。遇见了他喜欢的女人，结婚。后来孩子要出生了。于是，他在Virtual Jerusalem.com上面许愿：

Dear God

Please don't kill my son during birth. Also don't kill my wife during birth. And don't kill him after birth. And please make him healthy and don't *** around and make him seem sick just to scare me. I know you're probably pissed at me but I'm pissed at You too. So let's just keep this between us. Thanks. S.

结果，答案是“that was 262 characters not including space. Only 200 is allowed.”

孩子还是出生了，过程有些惊险，但是孩子还是健康的。

他又去Virtual Jerusalem上面给神写感谢信，很简单：Dear God Thanks S.

答案是：Due to a system failure all notes sent to the Wailing Wall during the past several weeks have been lost. The system is now functioning normally and we apologize for the technical error.

所以说，神在哪里呢？

根据正宗的犹太教习俗，男孩子出生第8天做割礼，而且还要一位德高望重的人做，旁边放一张空椅子，说是天使的位子。然后这个施礼的人还要亲口吸干孩子伤口上的血。（我觉得，以后这个孩子长大之后，可以对那个施礼的人说，haha dick suck!）

但是，作者没有这么做。孩子出生3天之后，就让医院的医生做了，而且没有通知他的家人。孩子在手术室里面哭，他觉得自己和自己的信仰越来越远了。I pressed my hands to my ears and turned around. My son screamed. I closed my eyes. Synagogues burned. Torahs were torn to shreds. Gods were banished. THe moment my son became a Jew was the moment I felt more than I had ever before in my life that I was not.

孩子的名字也不是希伯来语名字。

于是，孩子奶奶怒了。

孩子奶奶家过来看孙子，还谈着能不能改个名字，结果没人妥协，于是悻悻而归。

过两天，孩子的姑姑来电邮：（由于犹太教里面不能curse所以邮件就是这个样子的）

My sister e-mailed me a week later to tell me I was the smallest piece of sh&t in the world and while nobody inn the family gives a f$ck what I do would it have been so d&mn hard to circumcise my son on the eighth day?

最后，孩子一岁生日的时候，他请了很多志同道合的朋友来庆祝，不包括孩子的奶奶家的人。孩子的生日蛋糕上写着：Happy birthday Paix. From Mommy Daddy Harley Duke and no one else in our families because they are bitter miseries who'd rather drag us in to the morass of their bleak tragic lives than share for a moment in our joy. And many more.

然后，他看着生日会上的朋友：I think they're all foreskins. 离经叛道的一群人，快乐的找到了自己。

后记上面他说，让我觉得超级点头如捣蒜：

The one thing I've found that most religious people agree upon- Jews Christians and Muslims alike- is that if you meet them and you've having a little conversation and you say for instance -God is a prick they tend to react badly.

Which I find surprising.

Because they've the ones who told me He was.