The Fall《The Fall》

Human conscience is the charming virtue of us but tough to be inside. When one realized that his whole life in fact has lived "in search of honorrecognition and power of others" and deemed that is hypocritical and selfish then unwilling to live that way again.

I am wondering what judgment that person hold for himself? What does living "above" in the book he refer to? Is it a kind of self-consolation in face of the meaningless of life or just implying the essence of life--"absurdity"? Is "only through submission to something greater than oneself"the only solution for the pain of living as some seemingly choose to do so?