Oppression, Privilege, and Resistance《Gender Autobiography》

Like most of the students in my class I am also an immigrant coming from another country. I came from Beijing. China approximately five years and a half ago. My mother came to the U.S. by herself when I was only 11 years old. After my mother came to the U.S. and before I came to the United States I lived with my grandmother in Beijing. Currently I am living with my mother in lower Manhattan in a small apartment.

Unlike many people here I am the only child. Even though being an only child seems like catching all the attention from the family but on the other side I never have anybody to depend on in emotional state. Therefore I am used to make decisions on my own.

When I first arrived here from China my mother did not allow me to go anywhere without her. I think that is probably because we have not been together for many years and she still remembers me as an eleven years old girl and is unable to see what I have matured. She is unable to understand that I have grown up. So I had to stay home quite a bit. I hated the time I stayed alone in my small apartment while my mother went out to work or visited friends. My mother wanted me to be at home studying English all day long.

Aside from the loneliness of being alone I hated being in my apartment by myself because the reason I came to America was not to stay in a suffocating lousy apartment all day. I am mature enough and educated enough to know how to handle myself and distinguish what is right from what is wrong. I do not need to be kept cooped up at home with my books to know that in order to succeed in the future I need to study and work hard. I am smart enough to know that I need to gain experience to succeed and that hiding at home is not the answer to success.

During those early days whenever I tried to tell my mother that I believe that if I study hard eventually I will realize my American dream and staying at home is not the answer. She would not listen. She was not able to believe that I was already an *** and ready to explore and enjoy everything America had offer. I think there is a cultural barrier affects on her and it discourages my mom from getting succeeded. But the over protection made me feel being oppressed and isolated. According to Crenshaw “[l]language barriers present another structural problem that often limits opportunities of non-English-speaking women to take advantage of existing support services.” I felt like both me and mom lived of existing outside of America mainstream. I later realized many Chinese immigrant families whose remain silence protected parents from being deported but psychologically and emotionally confused the children trying to assimilate into a new foreign culture. I later understand the first generation like my mother struggle and devote the most of their lives but usually gain the least because older people already get used to their deeply rooted cultural traditions and also there is a language barrier blocking them to assimilate and to feel fully useful in the new place. I read a book before called “Bread Givers” the parents in “Bread Givers” present the majority of first generation older emigrants that I know feel somewhat alienated and disadvantaged in America. People like my mother thought that America was a golden country. “[I]t is always summer in America [.] And in the new golden country where milk and honey flow free in the street….” (Yezierska 51)

Of course there is no free milk in America. It is only a dream for them. Many of them sooner realize that they were going to a tough land of opportunities where they would have to fight and struggle. But those who were realistic came here anyway because they hoped for a better future for their children who could fully benefit from new opportunities ethnic equality and democracy that the New World had to offer. But meanwhile they have to deal with unspeakable prejudice especially women and women of color are constantly oppressed by the male privilege. That is why my mom freaks out to let me walk on the street by myself. She thinks I am fragile and weak; everybody would hurt me easily since I just came from China at that time.

Yes of course I had a language problem and yes I was not accustomed to the way of life here when I first arrived. And yes I came from a different cultural background but I knew what I was capable of doing and I knew I could not do it staying at home. My mother had no aspiration other than for me to be able to survive. She dared not to dream of success for me. But her narrow thinking only make me want to struggle harder against my adversities and prove that I am not the little person she thinks I am.

Therefore in order to accomplish my dream I decided to go to college. For the first four months after my arrival here I concentrated on learning to speak and write English. I was forced to look up in a bi-lingual dictionary almost every word I heard or read in English and translate it into Chinese. I spent an enormous amount of time doing that and it was most discouraging. Fortunately I have good self-management skills. I am extremely persistent and have set as my personal goal learning to read and speak English fluently. The first time I was able to read an English sentence without translating every word I felt as if I had conquered the world.

In the fall of 2002 I entered LaGuardia Community College. I started to make friends there and to enjoy my life. Still I am able to balance my socializing with my studying. I received a very good grade point average in my first semester there. Finally now mother realizes and appreciates that I have grown up.

I remember when I came for an interview to look for a job few months ago in a small company. The employer was a white man who stared at me from my head to toes. He asked if I can speak any English as if I am a fresh out the boat. His attitude made me feel his invisible privilege. He was so high up to over control my life. I did not get that job at the end. I think the reason was because I am a Chinese I am too normal. I am the other. The group which is being privileged is mostly identified: white male heterosexual gender-normative middle class. Anyone who varies from this mold is “Other”. They are the borders and marked as Different. Different people are defined by what they are not from the privileged group: the so-called “normal” the “average”. I am used to the racial prejudice right now. I am taking this class is because me as a Chinese woman need to learn how to correctly identify myself and educate other people fight for social injustice.

This is my last semester in college. My current major is Woman studies and English. I am working towards my bachelor in art degree and will pursue the higher education. Being in such a multicultural and diverse city I always compare myself as a dragon verses the main stream as an eagle. I always find many things in common with them so that I don’t feel the big difference between me and them. Being a new emigrant I have to face many problems such as racism when I come to a new country and try to make a living. When I think about issues such as how race gender and class have impact on me I just over look at it because I have prevailed and make a place for myself I know that my American life just started. It is as long as a journey. My long term goal is to be part of the mainstream middle class and live the American dream. I believe that the theory of racism can be changed along with the progression each minority group has made. As a new generation of Chinese Americans I believe that I am able to find employment since I have studied many years in college. My skills and education will get me a good job in the near future.